Well Well

At times, I wish that I could take it all away. All the words I once said, all the actions that I did, I wish that it would all melt away into nothingness so I wouldn't feel like shit. Once again, memories are bombarding me and I don't know how to get rid of them. People keep saying, "Don't think about them" or "shove it all away" That's easy for you to say, you're not the one who has to see them and re-live most of them. 

Recently, I have begun to talk to a few of my old friends from Marshall, MN. It's nice to hear from them after... Two years, I think? Wow... Have I been in Vancouver that long? Anyway... Life has been... Mediocre here in the city as I dream of a place away from the big city and into a small, rural town that I grew up in. Where's there's only two lanes of traffic, you can walk around, or just sit in coffee shops and not worry about being harassed. Oh, how I long for days such as those... 

I often thought about finding myself a boyfriend, but realized that nobody would love me the way that I hoped. Nobody would spare a second glance at a girl like me and I've grown to accept that... I hope college is better than high school ever was. 

I find myself longing for a job in a small bookshop, dreaming of making it big. But I soon realized that my dreams were to far fetched for a girl like me. Once again, I'm crashed into reality and my only hope is to dream about my dreams. 

I guess that's all I have to say for now. It was nice chatting with you. I hope we can do it soon once more. 

Baby

Dare I say... I like JB's Baby? 


Urgh. I have SO MUCH TO DO! 


Hopefully, mom can afford a really nice house in W2 (Walla Walla). Mmm... More room for my WWE posters!!! I can have a few shelves and have my WWE action figures and my fairy figurines... Some pictures of friends... Etc. Oh! I'll be getting a new bed, too! (Seeing as I'm being a good friend and giving my friends mine)... 


I'm so stoked to move! (Which is weird, but I like moving...). I'll have a job and be going to school. Which means: 


Paying mom rent + Tuition + Car Payments + Phone payments + Gas = A broke, but happy Samwise. 


Urgh. For now, I have to clean and sort through ALL my shit... :( 

Now What?

The constant noise around me is growing into a state of nothingness as I grow numb. The whispers in my head are growing louder and louder as I fall into the darkness. The cold, pale hands that pull me into the abyss are comforting, almost welcoming. Death wraps his cold, marble arms around me as I lean into him for comfort. Death has taken so many of my friends and family… Even if it’s only two or three… To me, it’s still one too many.

The smiles on my face are non-existent now. The happiness I once felt is gone. I wish I could say I’m happy, but on the inside, I’m numb. On the outside, it’s all a masquerade. I feel like dying… 

Everybody

I guess you can't face up to an argument, so when one arises, I guess we'll just ignore it, just like we always do. I can't do this anymore.. I need to argue when it arises. I'm not going to pussy out like you always do. You always hurt other people just to make them feel just as bad as you do.


My heart aches... There's a hole in my heart, my soul is bleeding... I need to free my mind... If I have to die to do it, then so be it. You make me feel like shit and you don't even realize it. I've had enough of it.


What did you even see in me, huh? You say you love me, but you always hurt me. Am I trying to get a point across? No, I'm not. You always pussy out when you feel scared and trapped against the damn fucking corner. Dave at least puts up a good argument-- Even when we weren't arguing.


I don't know what else to say... What else is there to say? Nothing, I suppose. Sometimes, I wish I never laid eyes on you... I wished I had never met you, then I wouldn't have fallen in love with you... Other's... I guess... I'm happy I did fall in love with you...


How hard is it for you to man up? Be the man you were when we first met... I loved that man. That cocky, brash, whatever it was... The one I loved so much... I don't know what else to say to you...


Sam..

Shyloh Mae Darling

...And so today's the day my little niece was born. 7lbs and 7oz. :D

Sleepless Nights

Hrm. This hasn't happened in awhile... I usually fall asleep around 1 or 2ishish... Now I'm up all night... Hrm... Maybe I need a shower? Who knows... But that does sound like a good idea. :) 


Ugh. I have Soooooooooooooooooooo much to do today. Here's my list: 


--> Clean bathroom
      - Scrub Tub
      - Scrub counter top
      - Scrub sink
      - Scrub around said sink and water nob thingy
      - Sweep and Vacuum bathroom floor
      - Clean and Scrub Toilet 
--> Clean Bedroom
      - Pick up trash
      - Get rid of dirty dishes
      - Pick up pop cans (Drain the full ones) 
      - Pick up books 
      - Pick up random CDs/DVDs/DVD cases off floor
      - Organize DVDs
           - Put them back in original cases
       - Pick up clothes 
       - Put away clean laundry
       - Vacuum
       - Clean Desk
       - Organize inside said desk 
--> Sort through clothes
--> Pack what I'm not using 
     - Misc. Books
     - Misc. DVDs
--> Pay library card fine
     - Find library books
     - Read or return said library books
     - Find new library books
--> Read books that have been in pile to read or am reading
     - Stolen
     - Salem's Lot
     - Sherlock Holmes
     - Invisible Monster (Re-read ) 
     - The Diary
     - Nancy Drew 
     - Little House On The Prairie
--> Go To Store
     - Buy Groceries
     - Shampoo
--> Relax
     - Nap
--> Email COCC
     - Tell them I'm not going
     - Email Juniper Hall
        - Tell them I'm not staying/going
--> Bedtime


**REPEAT ALL OF THE FOLLOWING STEPS EVERYDAY UNTIL COMPLETED! 


So, that's my day. 
What bout yours?