Life

Life's a drag... I'm tired of unpacking boxes and I spent all day in bed and watched TV...
I'll have pictures of the new house and my new bedroom up soon... Sigh.
Oh. My cousin is coming from Quantico, VA to Hermiston, OR for three months. :) He's now a navy recruiter. I found it funny that a six foot something man fit into a submarine. ;3

Anywho... The floors creak whenever you walk on certain spots. Is it wrong to say that I like my small closet? Sigh...

Oh! So on my one wall I have this one shelf and I can put all my shit on it. (It's smallish, but long... that's what he/she said!) I have a built in dresser (That's handy because it saves me from packing around my dresser and I can sit on it without it breaking.. It's right in front of the window). As I've said before: The walls are Ninja Turtle Green. I still need to get Blue, Red, Purple, and Orange masks. (Inside joke between me and a friend) and a pizza box.

My plans for Halloween are simple: Stay inside, eat Domino's pizza, and watch Addams Family and Halloween cartoons.

Well... Pictures soon to come!

Ciao, bi-yatches

Rio

Precious Moments

Precious Moments

The moments we spent together were precious

From the first time I laid eyes on you

I knew that I had to have you

You were perfect in every way

From your big, green eyes

To that little smile you’d give me when you’ve done something wrong

I watched you grow

I felt our bond grow stronger each and every day

I watched lay around and do nothing

I watched as you struggled and fought

I watched you accept and deny

I watched as you slept on me every night

From nudging my hand to or getting in my face

In some way, you demanded my attention

I gave it to you 100%

You’re my pride and joy

You’re my baby

It’s the precious moments that made me love you

Your cuteness made my heart melt

When you’d want something

You’d turn those big, green eyes on me

Knowing that I cannot resist

You knew that my heart would melt

You had me on a string

As I willingly obeyed

You always had an ear to listen

As I babbled on and on

Even though I knew you didn’t have a care in the world

I watched you curl up and sleep on the softest blanket

For hours on end, until you got bored

I’m sorry I let you go

I’m sorry I couldn’t keep you with me forever

I hope you remember all the precious memories we had

Because it was those very memories that we shared a bond

Those precious moments I will always cherish forever

Saying goodbye isn’t forever

It’s just saying ‘Until we meet again’

-Rio Donovoyn

Failure

I wish that I could have done things differently
To make you proud of me
But instead you're all disappointed in me
I'm sorry that I couldn't have done better
I'm sorry that I couldn't be who you wanted me to be
I'm sorry that I'm such a failure at life
You don't get the feelings that I have
Such guilt and disappointment
I want to crawl into a hole and cry
I want to disappear and never re-appear
Maybe if I disappear then you don't have to worry
About me disappointing you ever again
I'm sorry I couldn't make you happy
I'm sorry I'm such a fucking failure

Freaking Out

Well. I've had 2 panic attacks today and 1 anxiety attack. Those are always fun. :/
I STILL don't have my math done and I'm HOPEFULLY moving on Wednesday. Dammit... This fucking sucks.
I STILL haven't finished cleaning because I'm having a hard time getting it done!
My friend went up to Spokane, WA and won't be back until Thursday.
I'm NOT facing my grandmother WITHOUT my diploma. I already feel like shit. :(

I feel like shit... No... I feel LOWER then shit. I'm depressed and I don't want to ask anybody else for help because I can't handle the rejection. :/
I wanna scream, I wanna cry, I wanna throw a fit!

I guess I'm a failure. I'm useless... Sigh..

Dying

"If I died... Would you miss me?" 


I remember asking you that question and you said you would... Did you wanna test out that question? If I died tonight... Would you miss me? I remember all the good times that we used to have... I remember laughing and talking about whatever it is we used to talk about. I asked you the same question again and you never gave me a answer... You just blew me off... You say I'm your best friend... But I'm starting to doubt it now...

"Do you think we'll be best friends forever?" 


I asked you this and you said we would. Now you're just self absorbed. Here's how I see this playing out:

The rain is falling, drenching you in it's watery prison. Few are gathered around the coffin that now holds your dear friend. I see the sadness on your face and wonder if it's genuine. I wish that I could have stuck around longer, but I guess it never really mattered to you because you had something else going on. I felt like we were drifting apart and I guess that I was right. I don't even know who you are anymore... If I even knew in the first place. I gave and I gave and you didn't give me anything else in return.

But now I'm gone and what can you do now? Nothing, I suppose. You could go back to doing what it was before and keep ignoring your friends.

Fuck this

Thanks to you

I'm nothing but a broken spirit

I guess before you 

I was already broken

But you broke me further

Thanks alot

You didn't do anything 

I was there for you

But you never were there for me

Thanks for nothing

I guess this is goodbye

I'm so sick of all your drama

I'm so sick of all your bullshit

I think it's your turn

To give and give

And for me to not give anything in return

Thanks for alot of nothing

Thanks for ruining my life

Thanks for taking advantage

I guess people like you can never

Appreciate the friends you have

Frank Sinatra

Ah, good old Frank. He brings a warmth to my soul. He makes it sound like Christmas. He lifts my spirits and makes me feel good. :)

Thanks, Frank. :)
I owe you.

Samwise

Isn't a family supposed to love you no matter what you do?
Isn't a family supposed to motivate you and tell say that you can do it?
Isn't a family supposed to keep you UP off the ground instead of making you fall?