Stress

            Why must you put on such stress upon me? Can’t you see how tired I am? Can’t you see how stressed out I am? I don’t even know what to say to make your problems go away when I have my own. I end up crying myself to sleep at night because I’m in pain. Depression has been eating away at me more and more, making me more tired. I’m worn down to the core and I can’t go on anymore, but with what little self will and worth I have, I manage to dwindle to survive the week, I’ll muster up. I’ve been having more panic and anxiety attacks more and more because of all this fucking stress. My family’s pretty much saying that I’m not going to be successful in my life, but no matter how much I try, no matter how hard I try to ignore it and move on, it haunts me in my dreams; maybe I need to go back on pills to calm me down, keep me focused, but I also don’t want to succumb to the effects of said pills. I barely get to blog or write anymore because I’m so busy.

            My energy is being yanked from my body faster than it usually does. All my teachers have no faith in me anymore, basically telling me that I’m a failure in the making. That I’ll never make anything of myself—that alone should be motivation enough. Nobody will let me catch a breath. My own insecurities have people at arm’s length as I shove them away, further and further. Most people don’t believe me when I tell them as they laugh at me. Guess maybe if I disappear one night, maybe they’ll miss me. I don’t know anymore… I wanna go to sleep and never wake up…