Meh

My night wasn't to bad. Listened to some bands...sat in a park for about 30 minutes...

I should be in bed sleeping...

But my mind is racing.
My heart is pumping....
I can't sleep
But once my head hits that pillow
I'm out. Gone. Asleep.

Ironic, isn't it?

A'ight, Chicadees!
Night Night.
Peace Out.
Word.

Halloween

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My...2nd favorite Holiday. Christmas tops it all. Then my Birthday, V-day and...WINTER (I know it's not a holiday...but I Looooooooooooooooooooooooove snow!!*)

Going to watch the Addams Family Season 1...Might go to a party or somethin...I dunno...

Peace.

Dying In Your Arms

The air around me is closing off...I'm suffocating as short gasps pass between my lips. The sweet sound of death is seducing me...The burning lust of dying buries itself deep into my soul.

I am nothing but a shell of a body. My soul has already been taken and torn into shreds. Without the soul, I'm an empty shell.
Everything with form must eventually decay.

Who are we to decide each others fate...much less our own?
Our own selfish deeds mustn't go unpunished...

My heart starts beating slower as my time in this world becomes expired...my breathing shortens to nothing but soft pants in the darkest of nights. I'm suffocating. Won't you help me?

Nobody can help me...they can't find their way in the night...through the maze that will lead you to me. But by the time you reach me, it'll be to late.

My once warm and peach body is now cold and pale.
My eyes, once bright and warm are now dead and closed off
My lips, once warm, soft and pink are now blue, cold and hard.

I give off no emotions as I leave this world with ease. I don't mean to hurt you, but I couldn't hold onto the pain anymore....I'm not sorry for what I did. Did you even care in the first place?

Love.
Hate.
Pain.
Death.
Suffering.

There's nothing more that I can say to convince you to stay.
We grow further apart everyday.
You're never here...
I never see you.
Maybe it's time for me to move on
I know you love me
I love you too
But what can we do?
Our bond is as strong as ever...

Why are we being punished?
Why am I being punished?
What have I ever done to you?
Why do you hate me so?
What did I do to deserve your hate?

My tears are like rain
Cold and emotionless
They roll down my face
It burns me to cry

The very thought of you leaving and never returning burns into my very being. I hate that I need to depend on you...on any man...Why have you done this to me?

I'm not blaming you..
No..
I'm..
I don't know anymore...
I'm vanishing..

Soon, I'll be a memory
A picture left in your subconscious
The whisper in your wind
The name that'll never roll off your tongue

So where does this leave us?
Lost in eternity's lies...
Do you remember me?
From the person I used to be?

When your world comes crashing down
I'm always there to rebuild you
Pick you back up
But when my world crumbles?
You're off doing something else.

I'm not important
That much is clear
But I'll keep loving you
As you keep knocking me down.

You rebuild me
Then crush me.
Your words are harsh
Every slap
Every hit
Every punch

I relish the thrill
The abuse

I keep asking myself
Why am I still here?
I shouldn't be here

Something attracts me to you
Is it your bad boy complex?
The fact that you're a playboy
Or the fact that you're a cowboy?

Oh, how I dwell on such pettiness...lost in my own memories...How I dare to dream what isn't there...only to make it real. How I dare to tell you all my dirty little secrets...all my dirty little lies.

I'll dream that my reality is non existent. I don't do promises.

I shall prevail in this shit hole.
Until then, though..

I'll sit in the dark and dwell on my dreams.

Halloween

Just like to wish everybody a HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

Be safe and be careful! (Don't get to fucked up!)

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Any plans for Halloween? Partying...stayin' in an' watchin' scary movies...Trick or Treating? (I am!!!)

No Title

(*I was writing this in 4th period after being depressed all morning...*)

I called you and you weren't there
I needed you but you didn't show
Where were you?
Didn't you hear me calling?
So now I lay in tears
Lost in my own demise
The knife that calls to me
Glinting from across the room
I get up and walk over
To my sweetest treasure
I slice and cut
Watching the ruby red
Drip onto the floor
The crimson rose
Blooms through my veins
Onto the floor
Slipping through my fingers
I can't fight the depression
I'm sorry I let you down
But the truth is
I finally found my sweetest death
Do not mourn me
Do not cry for me
Live life like you would
But remember one thing
I'm always watching over you.

Dearly Departed

Dearly Departed. That is my name. The coldness of my voice, the dead in my eyes. For I am nothing but a memory, left in your subconcious. I am easily replacable, like you have told me over and over again. I can never inhale another breath, smile another smile. My body which was once warm and peach is now pale and white.

I don't remember my real name. So now I am called Dearly Departed. I cannot prevail in the afterlife without going to hell. I never was important. I remember seeing my blood on the wall, splattered like paint. No pain when you ripped my arm off, slashed my chest. My eyes were the passage way to my resolve.

What did I do to you? Why did you kill me? My memories bade like a scream without sound. My eyes drift shut as I dare to dream. My hand closes around your throat, squeezing tightly as you claw at my hand. I grin and slam the knife--the same knife you killed me with, into your chest and slice down to your waist, watching you bleed open as your screams of pain echo throughout the room. I feel nothing. I am numb. NOthing can bring me back to life. My ahdn tightens more around your throat. My nails, bite into your flesh, blood spilling as you gurgle. Your heart still beats. Faster and faster...

You are no match for me. You cannot kill whats already dead. I draw no breath from between my lips. I draw no emotion, no feeling. I am nothing. I reach my hand in and pull on your heart. You scream again as I grin. All your intestines are on the floor. Still hanging from your belly. I rip out your heart as you jerk one last time. I look into your eyes as I rip it in two. All the blood crashes onto your face as I smirk.

I still haven't found my peace. But when they find your body the next morning, trying to find the killer, you'll know who it was. But you can't tell because your tongue lays beside you, unable to speak. The only thing they'll find is DD. Nobody will know what it will mean. I will find my peace. For I am Dearly Departed.

I FOUND CANDY CANES AT WALMART!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I FOUND CHRISTMAS STUFF!!!!!!!!!!!!

Gettin' my new phone tomorrow...
Took Cat to vets today. She did not like it. She's still in hiding. >.<

"So Brain, what are you going to do tonight?"
"Same thing we do everynight, Pinky...try and TAKE OVER THE WORLD!"

I don't wanna do my homework...

Can't wait til Friday.
Partying for Halloween...(Maybe...or maybe do that on Sat.)
It's gonna be my friend, me and her boyfriend.
Much fun is to be had
Many pictures are to be taken

Any plans for Halloween?

Life Won't Wait

My hair looks fuckin' SICK! >:3

Right side is Black, Left side is Red.

My shower is stained all to hell.

My fingers are stained.

My neck, hair line, ears and face is all stained still.

I detest 3rd period.

I don't wanna go. Someone save me from that hell.

I'll just suck it up and keep bitching anyway.

LOOK AT ME!!!!!

So...nothing to exciting happened today...

I was in 3rd period today and I usually sit by my guy friend, right? So I sit there today and this really annoying guy goes,

Annoying guy: "I was just wondering if we could go back to our original seating arrangement"
Friend: "No...I actually can't stand sitting there because of all the dumb fucks arriving"
Annoying guy: "Well, I was just wondering because I'm getting annoyed at her for just sitting there without asking or apologizing..."

He wants me to apologize?!? Is he fucking serious?!? Pu-lease. He gives me shit everyday. I mean, all he does is say random facts and tries to argue with the fucking teacher. Speaking of the teacher, I have another conversation.

Me: I was wondering if you had the worksheet for 12-2
Teacher: You had all of Friday to work on it...it's due today. Now, go away and sit down!
Me: I was just (fucking) wondering if you had the paper!
Teacher: SIT DOWN!!

Mental abuse. She told me that I'll never make it out in the business world because I have no discipline. Dude, what fucking teacher says that?!?

I HATE 3RD PERIOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *bangs head against wall violently, sobbing* Why me?!?
And I can't switch out either...Don't ask why...it's complicated... D:

I was sitting in my 4th period CWP (Contemp. World Problems...12 grade History class you need to graduate...I have the coolest teacher!) and we're working on a European country map and we had all period to work on it yesterday, right? So this bitchy (she's in there for extra help, had her as a teacher last year when I was in Study Skills...) teacher kept TAKING MY ATLAS! I would go to reach for it and she takes it saying "Oh, I need to remember the countries..." Bitch, go get your fucking OWN! I'm TRYING to work!!! Fuck...

In my 5th period English, we're reading this book called The Other Wes Moore and it's really good, every body's suppose to be reading Chapter One...I'm on Part II, Chapter 4... ^_^' Eh....What can I say? I love reading...

Anywho...My friend is 'finally' doing my hair tonight! I might do Cruella Deville. (Only with Red and Black) Gonna look fucking TIGHT!

I want snow...I want snow...

Oh the weather is frightful

But the fire is so delightful

Since we have no place to go

Let it snow, Let it snow, Let it snow

Doesn't show signs of stopping

Brought some corn for popping...

When we finally kiss goodnight...

So...Yeah....

HALLOWEEN IS THIS WEEKEND!!!!!!!! PAR-TAY!!! WHOOT!

I'm going as a Vampire Neko...

Love and Peace.

Lat.

Word. 



Song

I've been having Hatebreed's Destroy Everything song stuck in my head...I don't know if that's a good or bad thing...but it's been keeping me calm when I get super pissy, I guess.

My friend is coloring my hair today!! :D it's going to be Blood Red and Jet Black.
Red on the left and Black on the right. Gonna be fuckin' badass.

Forgot my gym clothes today... -.-'

Mark and Randy're having a challenge. I didn't really get to hear what the terms were, but it involves me...

It's Monday.

I
Hate
Mondays
With
A
Passion.

Yeah. 4 of my classes had subs in them today. My other 2 didn't.
Meh. Whatever, man.

Hakuna Matata.

In My Daughters Eyes

She paced back and forth in the waiting room, waiting to hear anything from the doctor. She had just gotten a call saying her daughter, Shiya, was brought to the emergency room. The door burst open as she looked up. "Dave..." she whispered, arms wrapped around herself.”What happened, Sam?" he asked concern in both his eyes and voice. "I-I don't know...They won't tell me anything..." Just then, the doctor came in, holding a chart. "Mrs. Calaway?" I nodded as the doctor introduced himself. "Your daughter, Shiya, was brought in. She was in a car accident and was prepped for emergency surgery. She broke two of her ribs and her left leg, she hit her head pretty hard when they impacted...she's in a coma..." I gave a shaky sigh and thanked him. "Can we see her?" Dave asked. The doctor nodded and led us to her room. We both walked in and I sat on her right, Dave on her left. "We have to put all our bullshit behind us, Dave...Shi's our only daughter...I can't lose her, brown eyes...I can't..." I didn't even know I said the Old Nick name; I focused on Shi's face, willing for her to open her eyes..."We won't lose 'er, Sam...She's strong...and stubborn..." I gave a teary chuckle and stroked Shi's hand.

                The night wore on as Shi’s condition remained the same. I stayed in the room next to her, glancing at Dave occasionally. “She loves you, y’know…” he looks at me and nods, voice soft. “I know, Sam…I know…” I nodded. “This isn’t about us…this is about our daughter…she needs us. She needed us and we were too busy screaming at each other to fuckin’ realize it…” I took a breath. “I don’t even remember what half those arguments were about…” he shook his head. “The funny part about that night, though, Dave…you claimed to be drunk, but you weren’t…” Just then, Shi’s machine started to flat line as the crash cart came in, Dave and I cleared the room. I watched with tears in my eyes as they tried to make her heart pump again. I gripped Dave’s arm tightly, not noticing the tears rushing down my face. They finally got her breathing again on the third try.
               
The doctor came out and sighed. “It was a close call…She’s not fighting back…if she doesn’t, She won’t wake up and we’ll have to pull the plug…” We both nodded. “I’ll be checking up on her every couple of hours; see if her progress has changed…You can both go see her.” We thanked him and headed back into her room. I brushed some hair out of her face and started to sing No Good in Goodbye by Jason Michael Carroll. Dave watched us as he stroked Shi’s hand. I started to stroke her brownish blonde hair softly, the song coming to an end. I swallowed a sob as Dave reached over and squeezed my hand. “Gawd, Dave…What if…What if she doesn’t wake up?” He squeezed harder, swallowing his own tears. “We won’t, blue eyes….She’s stubborn like you…” I chuckled softly and nodded. “She always did like In My Daughters Eyes by Martina McBride…Honey…please…wake up…” I begged softly. “Open those beautiful brown eyes, ShiShi” Dave pleaded quietly, using her old nick name. “Wanna hear a story?” I asked her, softly squeezing her hand. My other one, still stroking her hair; “The first time I found out I was pregnant with you…I was scared on how yer dad was gonna react…” I started, sniffling. “But when they placed you in my arms…those big, brown eyes, I nearly lost you, Shi…Y’were so small and fragile…I was scared. But yer dad found out and he placed that teddy bear in your little crib and I knew he knew. Kind of hard not t’know…y’have his eyes and caramel skin…Gawd, Shi….I’m sorry…I’m sorry for having you hear me and dad screaming at each other all the time…” My voice started cracking, so Dave took over.
               
 “We are sorry, ShiShi…We tried to make it work for you…we did…honest. In the end…it never worked out. We wanted you to be happy. We…We want you to be happy…We can’t take back what happened. Please…please come back to us. Mom’n’I will be on friendlier terms, I promise…” he promised. I locked my watery eyes to his and nodded. I started to softly sing In my Daughters Eyes.
               
 A few hours later, we both heard Shi groan low. “Shi?! C’mon, baby…open those beautiful brown eyes….c’mon!” I cheered her on softly as she opened her eyes. “M-mommy? D-Daddy?” she asked, her voice raspy and small. “We’re right here, baby…” He said. Squeezing her hand; the doctor came and checked her out, telling us that everything would be alright. “She’ll have to stay the night for some tests…” We nodded.
               
“Thank you…” Dave and I kept talking with her, a smile on all of our faces. Everything was going to be alright. I glanced at Dave and smiled as we both listened to Shi talk. Just glad to have our baby back;  

Fade Away (Angry Blog Pt. 1)

(*I was listening to Diecast's Fade Away, when I was writing this...this, in no way has nothing to do with anything or anybody.*)

You wanna make me feel like shit? Go right and fucking head. I already do. The pain still lingers on and on. A never ending cycle of neverending pain. I'll fade away into the back of your mind. A picture long forgotten. I'll pretend to like you as you do the same to me. You wanna make me fade away. I'll make myself fade away.

The funny part? I won't fade away. I'll stay here to torture you. Every time you look at me, your eyes are filled with hate. Your soul is obsessed with getting rid of me. You want me gone, but I'm here to stay. You got something you wanna say? Then fucking say it. I'm not going to sit here and wait forever.

I scream out my frustrations. I scream out my pain. I crank my music up to mask the piercing screams that echo into the night. Nobody cares, nobody will. In the flames of hell, that's where I'll stay the remainder of my days. Watching, hating, loathing, pondering. Why am I here, and you're not?

Tick Toc, goes the clock. Time passes away slowly, a reminder that everything must die within time. Everything with life must eventually decay. We're no different.

Until then, I'll sit here, screaming. I'll eventually fade away.
But now? I don't know what else to say.

Rain

As I sit in the ice cold rain, they mask the hot tears that run down my face. All the pain and suffering that's in my heart, I can't control it anymore. I stay quiet, barely laughing. I sit for hours, staring up at the dark, stormy sky, wondering what went wrong. What if nothing went wrong? Then what'd I do wrong? "You did nothing wrong, Sam" You say...But the pain in my chest is just to great...

The rain is my solitude. It masks my true emotion that flows through my veins and into my heart. My head, unsure of what to think, sends me into sobbing mode. I sit in the playground, under the monkey bars, wondering, thinking, pondering, on what I could have done wrong. Where did I go wrong? How do I get this lonely? I see all my friends together and I'm more lonely than ever...

I hide my emotions but the rain brings them out. I cry and cry and cry...Wishing all this pain would just go away. I close my eyes and imagine myself at the ranch, laughing and smiling, being surrounded by people who care....

What can I say to make you believe me? I guess I can't say anything anymore. I just hope one day that you'd be able to forgive me....

Maybe then, I'll be able to turn my rain into sunshine...

Full Force Confession, Pt. 2

I guess I kind've gave a short explanation on why I'm in pain.

It weighs down my concious
My heart, my soul
My body and my mind
This pain I feel
But afraid to say anything
For fear it might hurt someone

I've wanted to say something
But the words catch in my throat
I let it all happen.

Drama. Unwanted
I hate it with a passion
Thats why I didn't say anything
I guess you could say

But now?
I can't lie with it anymore
I have to say something
Even if it means losing a friend
And maybe some respect

I'm not a whore
I'm not a slut
I'm not a backstabbing bitch

I'm hurting and I don't know what to do
Should I write it out or keep it in?
Do I really care anymore?

Y'all have the right to be happy
I want to be happy
But obsticles keep getting in my way

I want my baby to keep me in the light
I want him to protect me from my demons
Want him to be my night and shining armor

I'm sorry for feeling dumb
Being the weak link
Always causing pain

I can't get past this at all.
All these funks I feel
I only cause people pain
And it makes me feel more like shit

Maybe I am...
Maybe I'm not...
I feel your emotions
I feel what you feel

My heart...
Beats one less beat
My breath...
Breaths one less breath
My smile...
Smiles one less smile
My laugh...
Laughs one less laugh
My joy...
Joys one less joy
My goofy mood...
Goofs one less goof...

What should I do?
I can't do this anymore..

Falling..
I'm falling
My voice doesn't exsist
My movements are frozen

I watch as you all move
Laughing, dancing, smiling
Happy, carefree, joking around

I'm stuck in the dark
I try and reach out for you
But my fear gets the best of me...

My baby...
My Biker Man
My Wolfie
My Man
Is in the arms of another woman.

Both are happy and carefree.
The smile on his face
The joy in his eyes

I know that it'll never happen
But it's a fear
I know he's faithful
I know he'll stay

I shouldn't be worried
I'm strong
I'm independent
I'm me

But now?
In the lingering of the night
The blurr of the stars
The light of the moon

My face flickers in the flames of the fire place
My eyes...unreadable
My emotions....cut off
I feel nothing but emptiness

Can't somebody help me from this hell?
To end all my pain and suffering?

I'll fake my smiles
I'll fake my laughs
I'll fake my happiness
Just to keep you happy

This is it
That's all I have to say
Or is it?
I have more to say

But for now,
I'll keep quiet

I'll put a smile on my face
Just for you

I'll keep you laughing
I'll keep you smiling
I'll keep you loving me

~Finis~

Full Force Confession, Pt. 1

David,

I don't know what I can stay to you anymore. We tried being friends and trying to be happy around Shiya. But could it ever work out? Us being friends anymore? We hardly never talk...
I can't take the pain anymore. I can't live like this anymore....It's becoming to much for me to handle. I have other things to worry about....
I'm sorry it had to come to this...I didn't want anybody to get hurt.
You're happy with Kat.
I'm happy with Mark and Randy.
End of story.
But is it?
What about Shiya?

It's clear that you love her--she gets that. She does. Alot.
I'll be honest.
Sure,
I still had feelings for you.
Along time ago.
Now?
I don't

You shouldn't have feelings for me either. You're with Kat now...She loves you. Just like I did at one point in time. I'm not saying I don't want to be friends...it's just...

We both moved on with our lives and you should be happy with yours....I'm happy with mine.
It's time to move on, man...

If you wanna talk, then that's fine.
You know how to reach me.

Early Morning Hours.

I hate getting up in the morning. Early. UnGodly hours. It's about 7:55am, so I figured I'd write. My friend is over and she's still sleeping...lol.

It's nice having my baby back....He watches over me when I do really stupid things...lol.

Dave. We acually got through a whole day without screaming at each other...wow. Thats....surprising, y'know? But...we never did figure out what the hell happened...*shrugs* Meh. Whatever, man. I'm not gonna dwell on it.

I'm hungry...but I don't know what I want to eat...

Apparently, a rumor has been going around throught the packs. Hm. Wonder who coulda spread those rumors. I will start getting answers. I don't really care if you hate me or not. But when you even think about fucking with my pack, they'll hurt you. Badly. If you have a problem with one of us, we're gone. End of story.

Good Morning Beautiful

We did it. The bond reopened full fuckin' force last night...it went WHOOSH! I was happy as all hell. So was Mark.

I'm re-coloring my hair again today. Ruby Red and Jet Black. I'm excited.

My friend stayed the night last night. Cause I have no school today. It's a 2 hour late start on Monday! (Thank GAWD!)

I woke up to my baby singing to me..."Good Morning Beautiful", Hence the title of this blog entry.

My friend and I are starting a scrap book. It's lookin' really good.

It's going to be a good day today. I've got my baby back...it's sunny outside, nice and cool...I can tell.

Happiness fills me.
My smile is contagious
My smile stretches
So it hurts my face
My laugh is full of joy
My eyes read laughter

Good Mornin' All.

Pack

Pack:

Samantha 'Sam' Winchester-Calaway: Famous singer, loves to Rap when she can, dancer, authoress, actress, MMA athlete. Werewolf, dragon, panther, lion, house cat. Has a licence to kill. Mysterious. Can wield any weapon, has a licence in everything--dangerous wise. Mated and wife of Mark Calaway.  Alpha of her pack.

Sakura 'Kura' Lee-Michael's: WereSnowLeopard. Demon Slayer. Japanese. Chef in training. Married to Shawn Micheal's (HBK). Sam's third in command.

Cherry: Faerie, half Gypsy. Famous fashion designer. Obsessed with making Sam her dress up doll. Makes wicked outfits. Obsessed with Halloween and Christmas. Married to John Cena. Sam's fourth in command.

Keith: Werewolf, Likes to build. Mated to Kevin Nash.

Donatello 'Don': Science brain. Loves to build and work on things. Loves to see what makes them tick. Ninja turtle. Mated to Steve Austin. (Turned human when he did mate to t'him)

Leonardo 'Leo': Ninja turtle, Oldest brother. Meditation. Likes to work out and perfect his skills. Not currently mated

Raphael 'Raph': Ninja turtle. Mated to Kane. Hot head, Anger issues, Never backing down from a fight, (Turned human when he did mate to him), loves to fight. Brooklyn, NY accent.

Mikey: Youngest brother out of the Ninja turtles, goof ball, loves to eat...Mated to Taker. (Turned human)

Robert 'Robbie': Werewolf, Architect. Mated to Nate.

Nathan 'Nate': Biker, loves Bikes, preferably Harley Davidson, Werewolf. Mated to Robbie. Sam's second in command.

Sheamus: WWE Wrestler, Irish born. Anger issues. Not Mated.

Boredum

"I'm bored!" I whined to my friend. "Class is a drag!" I complained. We just got yelled at about having our cell phones out, cause the substitute was getting pissed off. My class is totally disrespectful and rude. Me? I sit in the back, quietly observing.

I laugh at the people.
I wish them harm
For they are immature
So now? I sit here, writing out my blog...waiting to get yelled at for something I didn't do.

My days been...nostalgic...I've been dizzy and sick to my stomach. I hope I can fix whats been damaged. I hope I can win my baby back.

Baby...if you're reading this...

I'll fix us. I miss you

I miss those nights you'd hold me. Telling me stories

The tone of your voice makes me fall asleep

The gravel, the medium tone.

I'll aways love you.

I'm worth it.

All the pain we go through...

I swear it...I'm worth your time

We'll get through this

We'll be strong once again

Our love is strong...

We can never part

The pain we feel

Will only bloom into love

Forgive me...

Love me...

I'll always stay by your side...

We will overcome

the struggles

For we are strong.

Love you, Biker Man

Forever

&

For Always

My night...has been...meh. Hangin' out with friends and doin' whatever the FUCK we feel like doin'.

NO SCHOOL TOMORROW! I should be happy about that...

Not Afraid

Life won't wait for you. Life is a bitch.
When it comes down to it...
It's all up to you

No matter what you do or say
Nothing can change what you've already set it motion
You say things that you wish you could take back

You did things you wish you could take back
It's like a bad taste in your mouth
A bad nightmare
Only this won't go away

You can feel it in your heart
Every beat of your heart
You know it's there...
You can't blame it on anybody else

People talk shit.

Drama.
Unwanted
Fuckin'
Drama.

You want to be left alone
Locked away from the world
Ashamed of what you've become

You want to hide your true colors
But they've already been shown to us
Sitting alone
You realize that everything you've ever known
Has all been a lie

Until one day
When you pick up the pieces
Dust yourself off
Look life straight in the eye

You're not intimitated anymore
Confidence runs strong
Roars through your veins
You feel good

You want more.
You go out and confide in your problems
Slap them all in the face
For being so fuckin' stupid

For not believin in you
For always doubting you
For turning you away
Kicking you when you're down

You'll take a stand for what you believe in
Voice your opinion
They can't silence you anymore
You're stronger than they are now

All the clouds clear
You look up into the sky
Realizing the answer's been in front of you
The whole entire time

You wish you could still take it back
You stop looking back on the past
You face your demons
You stand your ground

You show them who's boss
Taking control of your life
When they realize what you've become
They're all afraid of you

You stand proud and alive
Screaming, pounding, taking it out
Adrenaline runs high

You've done it
You got free from them
Doesn't it feel good?
They can't hurt you anymore

They can't put you down
Can't tell you what to do
Can't show you
Can't teach you

You block them all out
Telling yourself that it isn't worth it
Because you're done with them
They don't exist

The only thing that does
Is YOU!
You're all on your own
And it feels good.

Live life the way you want it
With no worries about them
You can finally breath
Can finally smile 

All because you stood up
Took it in your own hands
Not giving a fuck about what you said

You don't care if you hurt them or not
For all the pain and suffering they did to you
You hope that they get the same thing

You're happy
You're proud
You don't give a fuck!

It was worth it in the end
To scream and yell at them
Telling them to "Fuck Off!"

Seeing the shock on their faces
When you spoke those words
They're speechless

Everything else
Is all in the past
You're in control of your future

In the end...
You finally see that light
You do what you've been wanting to do for years.

You walk towards it.

Fear

Her heart beats with pain. With little to no hope. Darkness shines through and covers the light. Will nothing get her light back? She's worried that she will fall again.

Falling into the darkness. Her body is frozen, her voice, not to be heard. her movements are none. She watches her whole life flash before her eyes. Like a movie...or organized dance routine.

Every beat, every breath, every second, every moment. It all flies by. She wonders what she did wrong, if she even did anything at all.

When it all comes down to it, when she realizes what's acually wrong...

Fear.

Fear because anything could go wrong. She could blink and it could all go away. She can't breath. Her blood runs cold, her breathing becomes more labored. Nobody is there for her anymore.

Every happy moment, every laugh, every smile, every kiss, every hug, every loving word...it all dissapears.

When she's hit rock botom, she realized that she can't get it back.

When she goes to sleep at night, she dreams. The darkness is still there. But she see's a glimmer of light in the dark.

She looks at the shadow. Barely seeing it as she finally allows herself to smile. Her vocal cords finally work as she whispers the name in the shadows. The name that's always been her rock...The name that will chase away all the darkness and hold her throughout the night.

"Mark..."

The Thunder Rolls Love

We do funny things for love, don't we? Even if it means sticking around for the worst. But what happens when you can't take anymore of the worst? How do you tell them that you can't do it anymore? That you're tired of all the abuse and harsh words? Would you stick around, or leave?

Would you stay even if it means going against your morals? Would you stick around for him/her...even if it means taking a chance in getting hurt even worse? Even if your heart tells you to go, but your gut tells you to stay? I've always learned to 'Trust my gut'. But what if it's not sure what to do? What if it makes you sick and you can't find the cure? 

Love does strange things to a person. Even when you thought long and hard about what took place, running over every senario, every second, every minute, every millisecond of what you let happen. You try to make it stop, wanting to redo it all over again, but you can't. You're stuck and you can't find a way out...What do you do then?

What happens when you can't trust your heart or your gut? Who will you turn to the most? What happens when nobody will listen and you realize that you've been all alone the whole time?

Failing! D:

Holy Freakin SHIT!
Fuck.
Shit.
Dammit.
Son of a bitch!

I'm failing two classes... :( so much for having a happy Senior Year! I WILL MAKE THEM ALL UP! I WILL GRADUATE ON TIME! BELIEVE IT!

Man, if I don't pass all my classes with atleast C's...my mom's gonna flip. Hell, I'LL flip!

There all easy classes...so you might be asking, "Why is she failing?" Well...I study. But the thing is...

Ok:
Ready?
Good!

For Skyview gradutation, you need to have 23.00 credits. I have a total of 22.750 to my name. By the time I graduate, I'll have over 28 credits. So, technecally, I only need THREE classes this whole year. Second semester, I'm dropping my 1st, 2nd, and 6th period. I only need, 3rd, 4th and 5th period. I can arrive late and leave after 5th. (But of course, my grades WILL be better by second semester and I have to get pre-approved for Early relese/late arrival.)

So that was just a random blurb I needed to get out.

Masquerade

I guess I don't really know what to say. Should I just let the words flow from my finger tips, like a stream into a river?

I guess you could say that I'm a happy go lucky person...but on the inside, I hurt. I hurt because I know when my friends are in trouble and I can't do anything to help them. I'm lost at what to say. I'm trying to stay happy without alerting them that something's wrong. But how far can a person goes before they break?

Drama...It's unwanted attention and it's a pain in the ass to deal with. It brings me down. Ruins my day. What happens when you're around it? You learn to shut the hell up and deal with it. Go with the flow, I guess.

Everything I do is a masquerade. (Kind of like that Backstreet Boy song...Yes, I love BSB!)...Keep on smiling even though everything's not ok. Write it out, talk it out. Talking it out isn't my thing, as my friends would know. I'm more of...the quiet type.

Even when I'm around all my friends, I can't help but feel lonely. My dad's family are complete jerks! They think they know what's best for me when in reality, they don't. They try to silence me and control me, telling me what's best for me. Guess what? You DON'T! Bet you didn't expect me to rebel back. I'm my own person. I may have been raised in a Christian family, but I'm far from Christian.

Inside, I'm angry. I'm angry at the world. At society. People think they know everything. It's not just that they have to rub it in, they have to fuckin' shove it all up in your face, Y'know? I don't really give two shits what you think about me, as long as you're honest. To be honest...please. People fucking lie all the damn time. (Yes, I know I have a really bad swearing problem)...

Listening to music keeps me really calm. I'm not the type to usually write things out, but I didn't want to end up with hand cramps every five minutes.

School's a real drag. I mean, Skyview's been in the news at least...5 times now. Nobody's allowed to talk about it. Pfft! Please! We're all fucking talking about it. The teachers are worried about what's going to happen next. Then they send out letters saying, "We're all tough. We'll get through this. I know we can. Storm will stay strong!"

What.The.Shit?! I don't have any school spirit. WhatsofreakinEVER! (Maybe in college I will...). Somtimes, I wanna go to a different school. Sometimes, I wish I hadn't ever moved away. It's hard...leaving everything you've known behind, making new friends and entering a new scene...But what the hell ever. I'm sorta happy here...in this shithole.

I wish for alot of things, acually. But none of them have come true. Dammit!
Is it wrong that I'm obsessed with sleep?
Rain. Rain. Rain. Rain....RAIN!!!!!!!!!!
That's all it ever fucking does.
Sure. We have sunny days...then it rains.
I want Snow and Ice
Will I get them?
NO!

Jocks= Football players

Preps= Popular People

Sluts= Cheerleaders

I have this cheerleader in my English class...so my new nickname for her is, "Hey, Cheerleader!" (But she doesn't know it, yet) Do I care if she's hurt? Maybe a lil...but that's not my problem. They're all the same. The school I go too, Skyview. The only nice thing about it is that everybody leaves you alone. Everybody has their own lil "Clique" they hang out in. Me? I have my own "group" of friends, I guess. I like to hang around people that hate Cheerleaders, Football players and Preps. People who have the same interest as me...So safe to say, I only have two or three "close" people I call my "Best Friends". But I only trust two of them.

One of them, I can trust with my life. She's like my sister and I love her dearly. We get along so well, it's not even funny.

The other one, I can talk too, I can also trust with my life. We just...click, you could say. For that, I'm truly grateful.

Bleeeeeeeeeegh! I'm ranting and dragging this on...aren't I? Well...Until the next time!

From,
Chicababes