Amor

Amor

I can’t live without you. I already tried, remember? I need to have you by my side. You make me feel complete inside and make me smile even when I’m down. I can’t comprehend how much I love you, because I’d run out of paper. I’ve known that you’d always go before me, but realization just struck home tonight and I’m afraid. I don’t want to lose you. I’ve fallen so deeply in love with you, that I can’t believe it myself.

When you’re gone, I won’t be the same. I won’t smile. I won’t laugh. I’ll crawl away from everything I’ve ever known and loved. I’ll push people away. I’ll lock away my heart and surround it with the very blocks that you’ve come to knock down.

At first, I was a little hesitant on taking on an older lover, only because I knew one day that he’d die before me. But you? You’re different. I like that… I’ve got to know you and love you. You’ve helped me so much in the past months and years, you could say.

                My heart pounds as my sapphire eyes are darkened with sadness…. I can’t imagine life without you in it anymore…if you go, you’ll be taking my heart with you. Tears spill down my pink cheeks as I try and stifle my sobs. I hug my pillow in an attempt to make it you. How I’ll sit and trace you’re tattooed arms, telling you stories, just so I can hear you laugh… Make you talk, just so I can hear your voice and savor it.

                I’ll look around and see you in the garage, only to blink and you’re gone… Hear you laughing and try and follow it, only to realize that you’re not with me anymore… I’m dying a little inside… I won’t be able to hear or see you anymore… Who’ll make me laugh and smile when I’m down in funksville? Nobody can replace you…

                I love you too much to let you go. You brighten my day. Sure, we have our arguments…but if we didn’t argue, then I’d be worried about our relationship… I’m sorry…for anything I might have done in the past to hurt you…or anything in the present. I’m sorry for pushing you away all the time...

                With us, I guess it’s never goodbye… No… maybe it’s just saying “Until next time”

What is next time? How long and far would we go to be together? I’d go forever and always… Just to be with you. I don’t care about you’re flaws…I have a shit ton of them…

                I guess what I’m trying to say is… I love you, Calaway… Don’t ever leave me… I’ll die without you by my side.