Dear Agony

47 days til my Birthday.


Since I had nothing better to do today, after I got back home I started cleaning my closet. Yeah, here come the fucking jokes, "Sam came out of the closet!" Well, fuck y'all! 

I'm a sweetheart.
yes yes.
I'm tall.
The most used sentence out of my mouth is 'Fuck You', out of reflex.
Deep meaningful conversations are my thang.
I love people.
But I cherish my alone time.
I hate girls.
Yet, I'm bi.
I guess I have a sense of humor.
The names Sa5m, I'm weird.
Not alot of people take me seriously.
I'm sarcastic.
I'm not 'hip' or 'wit it'.
I'm simple.

Does that say enough about me? Can I make it any simpler? I hate unwanted drama. I hate drama in general, yet, I'm constantly surrounded by it at school. (*Which, I'm hoping college is waaaaay better...*)

I'm a secret. I'm a jem. I'm one of a kind. I put on the smiles, I laugh, I cry, I get pissed. I get frustrated. I'm slightly bigger than the skinny barbies...did I let that bother me? Sure, for awhile. Until I realized that all I had to be was myself. I don't let it bother me anymore. I say 'Fuck You' because I simply don't care about it anymore...

I may not know alot of 'new' or 'hip' stuff, but then again, do I really care? I'm honest. I don't want to hurt you, but after getting stepped on so many fucking times, I don't really care about society.

Family and Friends are my world. I may not show it...but it does. I don't hug, I don't kiss, I don't like being touched in general. I come off as distant, shy and quiet... When really, I'm loud, bold, and still slightly distant. I put my barriers up, never letting them fall, never letting my guard down. I'm always on the watch. I don't trust easy. You have to work to get my trust. I try and be a good friend, but they know not to fuck with me.

I like Metal, Rock, Screamo, Heavy Metal, Alternative Rock, Country, Rap... I'm still trying to find out 'Who I am'. What's my scene? What's my clothing style? I wear black clothes. My fingernails are black. I wear Tripp pants. I shop at Hot Topic. Does that make me Gothic or emo? No. It makes me different. I know I'm not popular, I'm not a Cheerio (*Cheerleader, Glee reference*)  

Even after all that, are you still willing to be my friend? Am I worth the time and the trouble? Will I ever be? No. I'm not worth the time, No, I'm not worth the trouble. Will I ever be worth any of that? Hell Yes. I may come off as clingy, but I'm not. I have emotions. I have a heart. 

I'm nice and kind. I'm not disrespectful. Don't test my temper.

You know what that makes me? 

Human.