My Black Rose

Looking back, I begin to realize that maybe you were right.

Sweet, sweet death, how you look at me with such agony in your eyes. My sweet sacrifice, why do you cry? Why do I have these cuts on my arms? My ruby red drips onto the floor, like rain drops, slowly, but beautifully. I am nothing more than a vessel, a shell. My soul resides in this body, but my heart does not. Tears, slowly make their way down my face at the realization. The very truth I was trying to deny from the start.

My heart...it aches. For I do not know what for, but it does. All the roses turn to black at my touch, making them more beautiful.

The life in my eyes, they once held a spark. Now? They hold nothing...they're blank... dull, sad. Sleep, doesn't exist to me anymore... My life... whirls around me, but I hardly notice.

"What do you want?" Death asks... My heart stops beating. My breath, stills in confusion. What do I want? "I don't know...I don't want anything..." I answer back. What do I really want? Do I want death? Do I want life? Where's my light? My safe zone?

I'm numb... I don't...understand why this is happening now... I swallow a sob in attempt to pull myself together... Why is my life suddenly shattered? I curl in on myself. Unshed tears rush down my face in my failed attempt to keep them in...

Depression. Why must you come into my life? Why must you ruin everything good? I try in attempt to save myself... but I grab the knife anyway... The cold metal runs against my warm, pink flesh as I attempt to make myself feel better... but nothing works... I'm just to damn numb.

I fade into the darkness as my inner child runs towards you, arms outstretched and crying. "Save me! somebody help me, please!" she screams, tears rushing out of her sapphire eyes. But you keep moving ahead. "Please! Somebody save me!" I watch with tear filled eyes at her attempt...no...my attempt... Her little body is still running... Long, blonde locks trailing behind her as she still runs, still screaming. "Save me! I'm stuck and I need help! Somebody!"

She stops as she realizes that nobody will come... She turns back to me, eyes filled with tears. "Help us, Sam... You have to hit rock bottom before you get better, remember?" I nod as memories hit me full force. All of them with friends, laughing, smiling...having a good time. That was before depression hit. Back in the day when everything was good...

I sink to my knees, tears, rush down my porcelain face, my sapphire eyes... are glassy. My inner child... doesn't understand... "She's angry and sad all the time..." she says, her voice clogged with tears... "She needs...she needs help... I wanna be happy again...I wanna laugh and not have a care in the world..." She was meaning the both of us... I fall to the floor, weak and pale. She's right...

"You have to hit rock bottom before you can get better..." So. I know what I have to do.

I have to hit rock bottom.